Sounds like a movie, yes? Well it kind felt like it. Yesterday morning I was walking Hansel in down pour rain so he could get his very regimented morning potty in (I wish I was nearly as regular as he is!! LOL) when we hit an intersection and saw two homeless people (or one homeless looking dude with a semi homeless looking lady) dead stopped in the middle of the crosswalk with cars waiting on them interlocked in a passionate kiss. Before I knew it, there were tears rolling down my cheeks. Keep in mind I have been a stone cold bitch lately with zero cry emotion. But, I got my period a few days ago and have been hormonal monster all week — that paired with the fact that mercury is in retrograde, means literally the impossibly strange can happen right now — aka this lady crying on the sidewalk in the rain.
I could feel the love in that moment and realized just how long it’s been since I’ve been without it. 9ish months might not seem like a lot to some, but this is the longest I’ve been single in my adult life. What made my tears flow even more? When I realized there wasn’t just a void, but that I’d been filling it with f*** boys and casual dating. While I’m not opposed to that at all, everyone needs there time to do their thing, myself included. I had this massive realization that it had been over 9 months since I had been kissed by someone in a truly love filled, maddening fashion — not just out of lust or wanting to get in my pants. Stew on that my fellow single ladies. Like I said the latter is in no way shape or form bad or wrong, if that’s what you need to get something out of your system or cope in the here and now, go get it! For me, seeing that strangely authentic, literal car stopping kiss made me miss it.
So, how have I switched up my dating to reflect this? Just this week I actually quit all of my dating apps and joined The Pathway by Lacy Phillips to manifest my man instead of mindlessly swiping for him. While it’s still early, through her intro classes I’ve realized I’m in what she calls “the magic dark.” I’ve done a lot of inner work, have been given a handful of tests, some bigger and more annoying than others, and am going into a period of what feels like nothing — though I’m sure I have a couple more tests heading my way. After this period of crickets, I’m praying for something good. I am armed with my non-negotiable list (well almost non-negotiable, there are a few variables I’m willing to teeter totter on) and ready for my next partner to make his appearance.
So, here’s to a good cry and love….that means all the love, self love and puppy love, too!